GOING GAY / TIM – CHAPTERS 32 – 36

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE – WHERE IS BEAU?

After Kirk left, I felt myself getting depressed. I had no idea where Beau was, what he was doing, where he was living, and whether he had ducked out to save my reputation or because it was a convenient time to exit my life. I played our argument over and over again in my mind. Each time, I called myself more insulting names as I realized how quickly and violently I had destroyed our loving, trusting relationship. Now I was also ashamed of myself for so easily replacing him, at least as far as the sex went.

When Keith visited me the next afternoon, my first words to him were, “Do you know where Beau is?”

He shook his head sadly. “I’m sorry, Tim. He cleared out. When I went to clean up your bungalow, there was no sign of his ever being there. I guess he was protecting you.”

“Or fucking glad to be shut of me.”

“Hold it right there, Tim. From what little I have seen and heard, what you two had going was great for both of you. I realize I was wrong about him being a gold-digger, so I believe he must be somewhere nearby, waiting for the right moment to let you know he’s all right and would love to see you again.”

“Do you have any idea how we could contact him?”

“Hmm. You said he was some kind of porno star?”

“The best kind, of course,” I said hopefully.

“Well, then, he probably has a contract with a producer somewhere. Why don’t I find a porn shop and see if they have any of his DVDs? Maybe we can track him through his employer.”

“OK,” I said, unconvinced.

“Well, shit, it’s at least somewhere to start.”

“You’re right, Keith, it’s a good idea. And thanks for caring about it.”

“Hey, buddy, like I always said: I’m only interested in your happiness and well-being. It’s pretty clear to me that finding your boy-toy would cheer you up a lot, so that’s my mission impossible.” He blushed as soon as he realized what he had just said.

I let his remark pass. “What about Will and all that bullshit about competency?”

“I doubt he’ll actually try it, but I’m preparing our defense anyway, just in case he’s a total asshole.”

“Oh, there’s never been any doubt about that!”

The days in the step-down unit passed quickly, if monotonously. Every day began and ended with a walk up and down the hall. In between there were physical therapy, occupational therapy (I told them I was retired, but they said it was just the name for being able to take care of yourself without help), and various exercises that I did in my chair. I did my best to earn my release, but I had a secret plan about that, and Kirk starred in it.

A week after my admission, the hospital discharge nurse was meeting with me, going over the list of things that I was, and was not, allowed to do when I got back to my bungalow at The Charles.

“You can do steps, but no more than one flight. That’s 13 to 20 steps only. And your hotel has a gym with a treadmill, so we want you to walk a half a mile the first day, and then add a half a mile each day after that until you can go at least five. But if at any time you feel weak, dizzy, or nauseous, stop immediately and sit down. Your doctor will see you in his office in two weeks, but if you keep healing the way you’ve done here, I don’t think you’ll have to see him too many times.”

I thought for a moment, seeking the best way to approach the next thing I wanted to ask. “I appreciate your confidence and optimism, but I’m still a little shaky. I mean, after the constant attention here, I’m not comfortable being alone all day and night. Does the hospital recommend any kind of follow-up care that I can have, at least for a few days?”

“But sir, there’s no indication that you need that. I’m sure your insurance wouldn’t cover it.”

“The cost will not be a problem. Do you or don’t you recommend anybody?”

“I really couldn’t say, especially if it’s not medically necessary. I suppose you could call a few agencies and see if they’d send someone, but I assure you that you don’t need it.”

“Let’s just say, it’s more for my peace of mind (but I thought to myself ‘piece of ass’), and I doubt I’ll need anyone for very long.”

“I’ll let your doctor know, but I don’t think he’ll sign any kind of medical order.”

“As I said before, I don’t really need one.” I smiled as politely as I could, and she finished the paperwork and called for a wheelchair to take me to my taxi.

Over the past five or six days, Kirk and I had managed to steal fifteen minutes late at night for a quickie. We blew each other, and I finger-fucked him until he came one time, but we both knew we wanted more. So, I hatched a plan.

Kirk worked at the hospital part-time, letting them know when he was available. The rest of his work came from private-duty nursing, mostly eldercare.

I asked him if I qualified as “elder,” and he laughed. “Shit, you’re at least ten years too young for that!”

So as soon as I was ensconced back in my cozy bungalow at The Charles, I called the agency that Kirk worked for and requested that they send him for regular visits to help me bathe, get dressed, and hobble around the property.

Of course, I didn’t need any of that, but the agency was so glad to have a lucrative contract that didn’t involve insurance paperwork that they didn’t ask a lot of questions.

The front desk phoned me around 9:00 the next morning to tell me that my private-duty aide was on his way over. I met Kirk at the door with a deep, lingering kiss, and then we headed into the bedroom.

This time, he was wearing more than hospital scrubs, while I was still in silk pajamas. We took turns undressing each other, teasing and laughing a lot.

When we were both naked, I took another good, long look at this young caregiver. He was only about five-one, 125 pounds, but he was wiry, with curly bright red-orange hair. As I had seen in the hospital, his only body art was the one little phrase, “Fuck me please” about two inches above his cock and balls, which were surrounded by another spray of his red hair. His arms and legs were well-developed and I complimented him on them.

“I do a lot of heavy lifting, moving patients around.” He looked me up and down with a sly grin. “You’re not bad yourself.”

I looked at myself in the full-length mirror. My circle of white hair was probably the only giveaway of my true age. I didn’t lift weights or exercise particularly, but I had always loved swimming. We had a heated indoor pool in the old house (it seemed like a lifetime since I sold the place), and I ate light and never seemed to put on weight, all of which my doctor told me probably saved my life.

Kirk seemed a little nervous, and his pretty little dick was only about three inches long when soft. But I already knew that he was a “grower,” having seen it fully erect several times in my private hospital room. For me, the best thing about it was that I could take all six inches of it into my mouth easily and bury my nose in those delicately man-scented red pubes of his.

I indicated the bed. “Care to join me?” He relaxed noticeably and we began with a gentle cuddle and a few light kisses. These quickly turned passionate.

He entwined his legs in mine as we faced each other and used our tongues to taste every inch of each other’s bodies. When I gently rolled him over and began to rim him, he said in amazement, “You never did this in the hospital bed!”

“Surprise, surprise!” I laughed as I continued to invade his cute little pucker.

“Are you going to fuck me?” he asked, hopefully.

“You bet your sweet ass,” was my reply. “But I want to work up to it, so let’s play around for a while.”

We assumed the 69 position, first side-by-side, then over/under. I worked on his pretty little cock, drawing it out to its full length by sucking it hungrily back and forth across my tongue. His moans of pleasure told me I was doing it right, and once again I thought longingly of Beau and prayed he was somewhere safe and sound.

Finally, I got Kirk face-down on the bed. I spread his legs and crawled up between them, as I pulled his cheeks apart and wet every inch of his crack and hole. When I pushed my tongue inside, he exclaimed, “Where the fuck did you learn to do that?”

“I had a good teacher,” was my only reply, as I tried to drive images of Beau from my head.

Carefully, I lifted Kirk up onto his knees, his ass in the air right in front of my face. Knowing what was about to happen, Kirk arched his back and leaned back toward me. I retrieved the lube from the folds of the blanket at the foot of the bed, along with a sealed package containing a condom.

While I felt quite safe with Beau, who had those porn-actor blood tests every 30 days, I would never take a chance with someone like Kirk, whom I barely knew. He seemed to think it was perfectly natural to use the rubber, which made me very glad that I had prepared one.


CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR – FUCKING KIRK

My first experience applying lube had been humiliatingly absurd, but I had mastered the touch, so the delicate stream that I applied to his butt-crack was just right. As he waited in expectation, I slipped the condom on, lubed it, and then inched forward and rested my cock on his crack.

“Fuck me, please!” he groaned with desire, as I realized why he had that particular phrase tattooed on his groin.

“My pleasure!” I said with a big smile as I slipped past his first and second sphincter rings and felt my prick emerge into the tight but comfy warmth of his insides.

As I entered him, Kirk moaned with pleasure and pushed backward onto me. As I had seen Beau do with Jimmy, Kirk began to fuck me by sliding his ass up and down my erection. I didn’t move, enjoying the fun we were having.

My gaze traveled up his beautifully-tanned back, then to his shoulders, neck, and the back of his head. He had arched his neck and thrown his head back and his red hair was shaking slightly with each quivering breath.

I started pumping him, matching his back and forth with its complement. I grasped him on both sides of his hips and pulled myself into him. There seemed to be no amount of fucking that he didn’t relish, and we increased the tempo of our gyrations.

After a while, he rose up on his knees and turned his head to kiss me. “Just like Beau did in my wet dream,” I thought to myself. I reached up and lightly pinched Kirk’s nipples and he groaned in pleasure, forcing his tongue further into my mouth. I reached down and began jacking him. He quickly grabbed my hand and stopped me.

“Not yet, please.” Then he surprised me, “Pick me up and turn me over, but don’t take your dick out of me.” I was amazed that with his careful guidance I was able to execute the maneuver perfectly. I gently lay him on his back, my hard cock remaining fully embedded deep inside his ass throughout the maneuver.

“Now fuck me hard!” he demanded, raising his legs and crossing his ankles around my back. And I complied willingly. I pounded his little ass, and with each thrust, his whole body moved toward the headboard and then returned as I pulled back.

Kirk began to jack himself off as I fucked him. I looked up and he had his eyes closed and a beatific smile lit up his boyish face. His breathing quickened and his body began to tremble. I knew he must be close to ejaculating. And then Kirk made a squealing sound and began shooting ropes of cum all over his chest and belly.

To my delight each spurt of his semen was accompanied by a tight squeezing of my dick by his asshole. I now loved being inside a man when he was cumming, and the sensation was fantastic. I was actually feeling the physical outcome of my ministrations on his insides!

I came quickly while his prostate was still contracting. Wearing the rubber, I enjoyed leaving my dick inside him and feeling the pleasure of emptying myself into his guts. We were both breathing rapidly and my heart was pounding.

I thought for a terrifying moment that I might have another heart attack, but there was no pain. In fact, I felt joyful abandon as this young man and I arrived at our climax together.

I realized that my eyes were closed. When I opened them, I saw him looking at me with an adoring expression on his face and a big smile.

“Now, that’s what I call fucking!” he said teasingly. “I thought you were an invalid, but you sure gave me the ride of my life. Come here!” And with that he pulled me down, my dick still up his ass, and we kissed deeply. Then I simply rested on his chest, my head next to his as I nuzzled his earlobes.

“There’s an extra charge for physical therapy, you know,” he joked. I carefully pulled out, peeled off the rubber and looked amazed at how full it was.

Something had clearly changed. Before I came to San Diego, I was barely able to produce a couple of tiny squirts of semen. Now I was pumping it out like a teenager!

After a few more minutes of cuddling, we headed for my oversized shower and washed each other thoroughly. As we dried off and drank a couple of ice-cold bottles of Évian, I said, “I think this was good for me, and I sincerely hope you enjoyed it, too.”

“I’m glad. I don’t usually hit it off so well with my patients, but there’s something about you…” We kissed again and then dressed. We sat in the living room and finished our bottles of water, and Kirk rose to go.

“So, how often do you think you’ll need therapy?” he inquired.

“How often can you come?”

“Do you mean ‘cum’ come, or ‘come see you’ come?” he said with a wide smile as he sat back down.

We laughed out loud, and I said, “how about every day?”

“I can do that,” Kirk began, “but there’ll be an up-charge…”

I froze. “What?”

Calmly and matter-of-factly, Kirk explained, “The agency pays me fifteen an hour, but I’m only allowed to log the number of hours that they contracted for with you. My clients usually supplement that with a generous tip.”

“Clients?”

“Well, a girl’s gotta make a living!” he said, tossing his burnished locks and suddenly sounding overly gay. He grinned at me.

“So how much is the usual ‘tip’?”

“A hundred or two… whatever you think it’s worth.”

Crestfallen, I retrieved my wallet and stiffly counted out five hundreds and handed them to him.

“Wow! So much? You must have had a really good time.”

“I did indeed, but you have made me feel so fucking healthy that I will no longer require your services,” I said icily.

He looked shocked. “Look, I thought you knew. I mean, all that fun we had in the hospital… I didn’t get anything for that…”

Silently, I handed him another five hundred. “Never let it be said that I’m ungrateful. Now, I believe we’re done here.”

He spoke no more, but simply picked up his backpack and headed for the door. I opened it for him and took a couple of steps into the courtyard, watching him cross the lawn to the entrance. A few steps from the main building, Kirk turned and looked back at me pleadingly.

“Good luck!” I called, watching as Kirk disappeared from my view… and from my life.

“Who the fuck was that?” a familiar voice asked from behind and to my left.

I spun around, my heart pounding. “Beau?”

“Live, and in person!” he replied sarcastically.

I rushed toward him to take him in my arms, but he quickly stepped backward.

“So, who the fuck WAS that?” he nodded toward the now-empty courtyard.

“Him? Oh, he was the nursing aide that took care of me in the hospital.”

“So what the fuck is he doing here?”

“He came to check up on me… That is, I hired him, his company I mean, to take care of me for a while, until I recovered fully.”

Beau looked deeply into my eyes. “And did he? Take care of you, I mean? It looked like he wasn’t too happy when he left just now.”

“Look, Beau. Let’s go inside and sit and talk. I have been worried sick about you. I’ve got Keith trying to track you down through porn companies.”

“Wow,” he said drily. “That’s the best you think of me?”

“No, of course not, but that’s all we could think to do. We didn’t know your real name or any way to get in touch with you.”

“And why would you want to do that? Looks like your needs are being taken care of just fine. And by the way, Beau is really my middle name. The rest is William Cardeen.” There was no affection in his voice.

“Please, Beau. I’m dying to talk to you.”

With that, he sighed and softened a bit. “Well, please don’t do that… die, I mean. You scared the shit of me the last time!”

And with that he took me in his arms and kissed me deeply. We moved into the bungalow, shut the door, and fell onto the couch, still in each other’s arms. My eyes filled with tears as I held and kissed him, and he began to sob softly.

“I thought I lost you, Tim. I really… thought… I lost you.” Beau whimpered.

“I know, baby. And when I woke up, the only face I wanted to see was yours.”

“I had to stay away from the hospital. After they took you away, I cleared out and tried to make myself invisible. Your friend – attorney? – Keith came the next day and took away all our sex shit. The hotel manager let some guys in suits come in a couple of times, but I don’t think they found anything. They didn’t look like cops. I think they were fucking P.I.s or some shit like that.”

I thought for a moment. “They probably were. My brother-in-law is trying to take control of my money. He claims that I’ve gone off the deep end.”

Beau laughed in astonishment, “How? You’re the sanest, most stable person I know!”

“Well, in Will’s book, having a gay lover is proof-positive of extreme mental incompetence.”


CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE – BEAU RETURNS

Beau looked furious. “Where is this bastard Will? I’ll…” He paused. “Oh, shit, I don’t know what the fuck I’ll do, but he’ll be fucking sorry.”

“Keith says he hasn’t got even the whisper of a case, but we’re preparing a defense anyway.”

We sat in silence for a moment.

“What about you? Where did you go after you cleared out of here? And how do you know who was coming and going here?” I asked urgently.

“Slow down, Tim. I’m fine. I crashed with Brett. We’re both on hiatus.”

Seeing my puzzled expression, he went on, “that means we’re in that slow period between films. You know, I told you how the production company has two or three months’ work to do before they need us again.”

“Oh, right. Well, I’m glad he was able to take you in.” I thought for a moment. “But how did you know…”

“As for who came and went, I made friends with the head housekeeper at this place. I asked her to keep an eye on your… our… room, and she gave me reports on everything.”

“Yes – OUR room.” I hastened to agree. After a long pause, I took both of Beau’s hands and looked into his eyes. “Thank you for taking care of all that, and for caring about what happened to me, and for… loving me.” I took a big chance, not knowing how he would react to that word.

He gazed back into my eyes thoughtfully but didn’t respond to the word I had just used.

“Well, I had a suspicion that, even if you didn’t make it – and I’m so fucking glad you did – you might not want your heirs or whatever to find me and my shit in your bungalow. I was going to sneak back and get rid of all the sex stuff, but your friend Keith beat me to it.”

He paused. “And what the fuck did he do with all our shit, anyway?”

We both laughed. “I think he was afraid of most of it, but I’m pretty sure he squirreled it away and we can ask for it back.”

Another long pause, then Beau spoke with seriousness in his voice. “So who the fuck was that guy really? He didn’t look like any fucking nurse I’ve ever seen.”

I hesitated. “As a matter of fact, he worked in the hospital where they operated on me. He really is a nursing aide, or assistant, or whatever.”

I paused again, then swallowed hard. “I don’t exactly know why, but he and I kind of hit it off when I was there.”

I paused, uncertain whether or how to proceed. “I’m so sorry, Beau, but I pretty much failed the faithfulness test.”

Beau looked at me sternly, then melted into a smile. “So, just to clarify. You fucked the shit out of him in the hospital, and again just now, right here in ‘our’ little bungalow?”

I didn’t know how to interpret his grin. “That’s about it, except that there were only blowjobs in the hospital. The bed was too tiny for anything else.”

“Well, good for you! That’s the way to get over a fucking heart attack: make the old ticker do double-duty!” Beau said with a laugh.

I was stunned. “You’re not mad at me?”

“Fuck, no. I’m glad you had the strength to have sex so soon after your operation.” He waited, then said seriously, “Of course, that doesn’t really explain why you brought him back here.”

“That’s something I don’t really understand, either. I could say it’s because I didn’t know where you were or whether you would ever come back to me, but the truth is I just wanted to fuck him.” I hung my head in shame.

“Hooray for you! Fuckin-A, Tim!” Beau grabbed my chin and lifted it so I had to look at him. “I just hope you don’t think that, the week I spent at Brett’s place, we didn’t fuck each other’s brains out every day! We’ve all got needs, ya know!”

“That reminds me of an old song, probably from before you were born. It goes ‘if you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with’!” We both laughed at that.

“Well, I’m with you now, Tim… again. But I guess you don’t have anything left for me tonight…”

With that, I pulled him close to me and held him tightly.

“Actually, that’s better than any sex I’ve ever had!” Beau exclaimed.

“Just you wait. There’s a lot more to come!” With that, we got up and went in to the bedroom.

We stood facing each other, almost as if we had never done this before. My hands were actually trembling as I unbuttoned his shirt and reached inside, caressing his soft, hot skin and teasing his hardening nipples. Beau pulled me toward him and our lips met. We held that position, feeling each other’s breath going in and out.

Unlike the way we usually kissed, we kept our eyes open. Once again, I felt myself drowning in the deep blue depths of his beautiful eyes. Together, we closed our eyes and pressed our lips tightly together and inhaled each other’s scents with deep breaths. Our tongues met, warm and wet, and then began exploring each other’s mouths. I drew Beau tightly to myself, wanting to feel his entire body touching mine.

As we broke our kiss, I lowered my head, a tear in my eye. Beau lifted my chin with his hand, kissed me again on the lips, and said, “Tim, it is what it is. You don’t have to apologize for anything or feel bad about anything.”

“But I hurt you…” I began, and ended in sobs, my body shaking. Beau hugged me tightly until my grief subsided.

“I told you, Tim, that’s all in the past, and it won’t do either of us any good to dig it up. The only thing that matters is that we’re together again.”

With that, I kissed him passionately and slipped his shirt off his shoulders and arms.

“Not so fast, lover-boy!” he teased, pulling my shirt over my head and quickly beginning to nibble on my nipples. Throwing caution to the wind, we quickly undressed each other until we were standing, naked and hard, again looking into each other’s eyes.

“I still can’t believe you’re back. I was so alone without you,” I told him.

“And I was trying to figure out how I was going to live the rest of my fucking life without you!” he replied. We climbed onto the bed eagerly. Then I stopped, cold.

“What?” Beau began.

“We can’t do it here…”

“Oh, because you just did HIM here, is that it?”

I nodded guiltily.

“No problem! Let’s do it on the couch!” Beau said enthusiastically.

With that, we hurried into the living room, discretely drew the curtains, and fell onto the same couch where Beau, Brett, and I had pretended to make a porno.

We started sucking each other. When I took Beau’s magnificent eight inches into my mouth, I relaxed my throat more than I had even done before. As his manhood slipped deep into me, Beau moaned with delight and said, “Tim! Where the fuck did you learn to do that?”

Forced to release his penis in order to speak, I said simply, “I always wanted to, but, shit, I guess this time I’m into so much that I actually CAN do it!” And with that, I went down on him again so far that I buried my nose in his perfectly man-scaped pubes.

Beau groaned his pleasure. He reciprocated with my cock, which was so much smaller than his. I also made sounds of great contentment as we began moving up and down on each other’s hard-ons. I tasted his pre-cum again, and wished that I were young enough to produce some myself.

After a time of cock-worship, I again moved off his member and said earnestly, “Beau, I need you inside me, right now, all the way, and I need you badly!”

We sat up and I turned my backside toward my youthful lover. He started to rim me, but I stopped him, “No, Beau, I mean it… inside me, now. Please!” With that he sat up, inched toward my upturned ass on his knees and let a long ribbon of saliva fall onto my hole. He rubbed his cock up and down my ass crack a few times and then gently penetrated my eagerly quivering hole.

I loudly gasped for breath as I felt Beau fill me with his manliness. “Are you OK?” he asked.

“I’m so fucking OK that I think I’ll pass out,” I replied.

“Well, please don’t. We’ve been there, done that, and I never want to do it again!”

Once he was all the way inside me and I could feel his warm flesh pressing my ass cheeks, I invited him, “Fuck me, Beau. Fuck me hard!”

“Are you sure?” In response, I pressed my ass tightly against his crotch and began to hump him.

Beau immediately took up the rhythm, joining me in each up and down motion. When he pulled out, almost all the way, my body longed to have him back inside me. When he pressed his throbbing cock deep inside me, I wanted to pull it in even deeper, joining our two bodies into one. And I wanted the feeling to never end.

I said very little as we fucked, and Beau was also silent. Once in a while, a moan or groan escaped us, but for the most part, all we could hear was each other breathing in and out, in rhythm with the ass-pounding. The sex went on and on, until I became aware of some ache in my knees. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want this to stop, but Beau must have picked up on it.

“Tim, let’s try another position. This has got to be a bitch on your knees.” Without another word, Beau pulled out and helped me lie flat on my stomach. “Arch your back a little,” he instructed, as he once again entered me from behind and above.

We resumed the fucking motions, but I noticed that Beau had stiffened his legs and was lifting his ass into the air, so that he could plunge straight down into me, doing push-ups in and out of me. Suddenly, he was hitting my “male G-spot” with every strike of his cock, and I was beginning to feel an ever-mounting pleasure.

“Uhn. That’s SO good,” was all I could manage to say.

“I knew you’d like it,” Beau responded.


CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX – BACK TOGETHER

Beau fucked me in that position for quite a while. I was beginning to lose all concept of the passage of time, but I somehow knew that this sex was lasting a lot longer than it ever had before.

Finally, Beau’s breathing became rapid and his thrusting quickened. I knew he was near release, and I began to lift my ass to receive his passionate thrusts. Suddenly, Beau moaned and plunged his cock deep inside me. I felt the flood of hot semen fill me with seven or eight gushes, and I knew that he had given me his total love.

Spent, Beau rested on top of me, his head beside mine and his still-hard dick deep inside my bowels. His breathing slowed and his body relaxed.

Although he was lying on me, his weight was not really a problem. We began to breathe in unison. I could no longer feel his prick in me, although I knew that it was still there and still mostly hard.

After a while, Beau lifted his head and I turned mine to the side. He leaned over me and kissed my ear, my neck, and then the side of my face. He rose up, sliding out of me. The feeling of emptiness was overpowering and I whimpered as he exited. “Did that hurt?” he asked with concern.

“No, it didn’t hurt. I just wanted you to stay inside me forever.”

Beau chuckled softly, “That’s a beautiful thought, Tim, but I think it’s probably not practical.” We both giggled.

He rose up and we moved into a position side-by-side on the couch. We began to kiss again, this time tenderly and gently. The afterglow of sex was intense, and neither of us wanted to give it up. Finally, our breathing slow and regular, we broke the kiss and gazed into each other’s eyes.

“Tim, that was the best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Oh, come on, Beau, you’ve had sex with porn stars. How could this beat that?”

“Tim, that’s work. It’s not love, and it’s interrupted so often by directors and others that I’m almost surprised I can ever cum that way.” He paused, “but you didn’t get to cum?”

“Well, actually I think I did. Sometimes, I get all the feeling of cumming but produce little or no semen.” With that we both looked down at the couch cover between us. There were a few tiny drops on it. “See,” I said, “that’s all I have to show for it, but I assure you, my body got the full feeling, whether anything came out or not.”

We cuddled, kissed, cried a little more, and fell asleep in each other’s arms. In the morning, we both woke up with hard-ons, so we sucked each other a while, and then I fucked him. As I was about to enter Beau’s ass, I reached into the bedside table drawer and took out a rubber.

“How come?” Beau asked curiously.

“Because I’ve never had that fucking blood test, and both of us have been with other people recently.”

“Did you do that nurse with one of those?”

“You bet I did.”

“Well, I’ve only been with Brett, and he’s tested, as am I, so you don’t need that thing.”

“I just thought we’d better be careful, unless you’re ready to be exclusive.”

Exclusive! Where the fuck did you learn that word?”

“I did a bit of studying on the Internet while I was flat on my back in that fucking hospital.”

Beau was quiet for a while. Then he asked, “So what do you mean?”

I thought for a long time. “Fuck if I know. I just know that I fucking LOVE you, goddammit! And I hope you at least like me enough not to tell me to fuck off because I just said that.”

Beau looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes that I could have dived into and disappeared forever. “Tim, be careful with words like that. I’m sure you have known what true love is. You were married for what, 50 fucking years? But I’m just a kid, and I’ve never really been in love with anybody, so don’t count on me to know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Got it, Beau. And I know exactly what you’re saying, so just file away my declaration, and maybe someday you’ll take it out, dust it off, and see what I’m trying to tell you.”

I kissed him affectionately, then continued, “in the meantime, fuck it! I’m just glad you’re back, for whatever reason, and for whatever that means to you. I’m so glad I met you, and I am so glad you’ve helped me through the toughest time in my life so far.”

With that, Beau pulled me toward him and kissed me deeply. I fucked him for what seemed like a long time, but it was nowhere near as long as he had been inside me the night before. After we both came, we lay on our backs, holding hands and looking at the ceiling.

After a while, I asked Beau, “are you ready to go exercise?”

“I am, but what are you gonna do?”

“Well, buddy-boy. I actually need to do pretty much the same thing. I’m supposed to walk a mile on the goddamn treadmill this morning. Can you show me how the fuck I do that?”

“It will be my great pleasure, my lord!” he replied with a belly laugh.

When we came back to the bungalow after the gym, I ordered a healthy breakfast for both of us, and we sat down at the dining table.

“Beau, I’m not sure what it is, but something’s definitely different.”

“Different?”

“Between us. I can’t put my finger on it, but our relationship has changed somehow.”

“What do you think has changed?”

“Well, first of all, we both had sex with other people and it doesn’t seem to matter very much. I mean, we are still together. Where I come from, that would have been the end of the relationship.”

“Welcome to the gay world, Timmy. Fidelity is not necessarily a virtue and is rarely expected, outside of marriage, and not always then.”

“But that’s not it, Beau. I am actually glad you had Brett to comfort you while I was away. I wouldn’t want you to feel that you have to give up such an important part of life, just because I’m in the hospital.”

“And I’m glad you met what’s-his-name the nurse. I think your sex life helped you heal, so I’m glad you found someone to help you do that, since I couldn’t be there in person.”

“Do you think our relationship has matured in some way?” I asked. “I mean, before what happened, I kind of felt that we were behaving like couple of teenagers who just discovered sex.”

“Tim, I discovered sex a long time ago, and I’m pretty fucking good at it – I even make videos that prove that.”

“That’s just the physical side, and I grant you you’re great at that – damn good! But I’m talking about the other part, the emotional or internal side of things – the ‘love’ part.”

Beau looked at me seriously. “Are you really in love with me? Are we in love?”

“Fuck if I know for sure,” I replied honestly. I’ve only loved one person in my life, and she died. I used to think I loved my children, but they seem to be my worst enemies right now. My life is fucking confusing!”

“Well, I can’t really say that I’ve ever been in love with anybody, but I sure feel a strong attraction to you, and I really fucking want to be wherever you are.”

I was silent for a while. “You know, Beau, that guy Kirk, the nurse, made me feel really good physically. But I didn’t have any illusions that it was love, especially since he shook me down for a lot of money.”

“Really? How much money?”

“Not a hell of a lot. About a thousand. He was actually a cheap date.”

Before Beau could respond, the phone rang. It was the front desk. “Mr. Hobson? There’s a package here that you need to sign for.”

We dressed quickly and hastened to the main building. The desk clerk looked apologetic as he handed me an official-looking cardboard envelope from the Family Court of the State of West Virginia. I signed for it, and we hurried back to our bungalow to open it.

“What the fuck?” Beau exclaimed.

“It’s a lawsuit brought by my shithead son-in-law. It orders me to prove that I’m competent to manage my own affairs.”

“Why the hell is it from West Virginia?”

“I suspect that Will thinks that a court in a fucking conservative state like West Virginia will be more likely to view being gay as an aberration, if not a full-blown mental illness,” I said with disgust. “I’d better call Keith and see what he says to do about this.”