Going Gay / Bruce – Chapter Four

The next morning, the house was hushed. I hadn’t heard what time my parents got in, but it had to have been after midnight when Craig and I finally shot our loads for the umpteenth time and fell asleep exhausted.

I opened my eyes, looked around the familiar surroundings of my bedroom and turned my gaze to my best friend, now my gay lover, sleeping next to me. I sensed a longing inside that I had never known before. It was a kind of desire, but much more than sexual. Sure, I loved the sex and wanted to do it all day long with Craig, but there was more to it than that. I felt like I wanted to spend every minute of the rest of my life as close to him as I could possible get. And because I knew that, rationally, it was impossible, I ached with a deep pain inside my gut.

I realized that Craig’s eyes were open and he was looking at me.

“What’s the matter?” he said with concern. I realized that my eyes were filled with tears.

“Oh, nothing,” I lied. “I just…” I couldn’t think of any other lie.

“Come here, baby,” Craig said, pulling me to him. I laid my head on his chest and took in the heat and scent of his masculine body. Sighing deeply, Craig said, “I know what it is… I feel the same fuckin way…”

I raised my head and looked at his face. He was smiling with a kindness and affection that I had never seen before.

“You do?” was all I could get out.

“Oh, yes. Yesterday was so hot, so fucking wonderful, so crazy-dirty, that I don’t think I’ll ever top it, and I sure as shit will never forget it.”

“Me neither.”

“We kind of gave our virginity to each other.”

“Well, there’s Alan…” I began.

“Fuck no! You didn’t give yourself to him. He took you! You were his boy-toy for ten minutes, and then he got his rocks off and lit out like the fucking bastard piece of shit that he is. It may have been your first sex act, but it was only physical, just like beating off has always been.”

Craig paused. “What we did was real sex. Sure, it was physical – mind-fuckin physical!” he grinned. “But it was so much more than that. We gave ourselves to each other. You didn’t give shit to that fucker Alan.”

I knew he was right. I wasn’t sorry that I let Alan use me, even though my mind had been racing at the time, telling me it was all wrong. But Craig and I really did give ourselves to each other yesterday, and that was the source of my pain.

As good as it was, I knew it would never be this good again, with Craig or anyone else. And even though today my body remembered every sensation, every placed where Craig kissed me, touched me, entered me, I also knew that the memory would fade with time.

“Bittersweet,” I said softly.

“Hunh?”

“This is what they call ‘bittersweet’ in books.”

“Oh… yeah, I guess it is.” Craig sighed and looked down into my eyes. He went on, “yesterday was fuckin amazing. I never knew two people could do so much in so little time!” He smiled. “And you’re right, we’ll never do it again, or feel that good again, or maybe even remember it after a while…”

A tear fell from my eye onto Craig’s chest. He took his finger, wiped it up, and put it in his mouth.

“Bruce, we’re just a couple of horny teenagers. Sure, we both feel like this is true love…”

“We do? You do?”

“Hell, yes. I’ve had a boner for you for as long as I’ve known you, and last night went so fuckin far beyond all my fantasies that I still can’t believe it. How many times did we fuck, anyway?”

I laughed, “I don’t know, but my balls are aching this morning!”

We were silent for a while. Then I asked, “so, do you love me, Craig?”

“Bruce, you will always, fucking always, be my first love, my first true love.”

I let out a quiet whimper. “You mean, it isn’t gonna last?”

“Fuck no! Bruce, it’s gonna last all summer, until we have to go away to college. And then it’s gonna come back every time we come home for a break. And it might even start up again next summer…”

“Might?”

“Well, you know you’re going to meet people at Stanford, and I’m going to meet people at Yale, and neither of us is going to be able to be fuckin celibates, now that we know what raging, cock-sucking, ass-fucking sex feels like!” Craig took a deep breath. “I do love you, Bruce, and I think I’ll always love you…” he took another long breath, “…I’m trying not to say… ‘but’…”

“You don’t have to,” I said as I raised up on one elbow. “I know what you mean, and I’m sorry I’m such a goddamn baby about it.” Craig leaned over and kissed me warmly.

After the kiss, I looked at him solemnly, “let’s just live for today, and let tomorrow take care of itself!” We both giggled, and then Craig gently me turned me on my other side, slid my boxers off, and softly pressed his hard cock inside me. Silently fucking me slowly and tenderly, he held me in his arms from behind and kissed the back of my neck as he made love to me. I barely moved.

The ache of loving him was still there, but it was now joined by an overpowering sense that what we had, what we were having right now, was perfect and would always be the standard against which we measured future love affairs.

I never wanted the feeling to end, but after a while I felt the hot release of Craig’s body into mine, and I just lay there holding it in, wishing I could keep it forever.

Nuzzling my earlobe, Craig whispered, “your turn,” and began to roll his back toward me. I put my arms around him and drew my body tight against his. Right then, I knew that I couldn’t reciprocate. I felt the ship of our love pulling out of the harbor, and I just couldn’t get into sex with him.

“Not right now. I’m still drained dry from last night.” As I lied, I could feel the disappointment and hurt in his body. I prayed he didn’t realize the truth.

“I want more, and I know we’ll have more – a lot more, but I couldn’t get it up right now if my fuckin life depended on it!” I looked into his eyes to see if he accepted my explanation, feeble as it was.

Craig rolled onto his back and pulled me close. There were no tears this time, but I rested my head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.

Soon, I felt different. The mood had ended, and it was almost time to get up. But I had one big thing still on my mind.

“Uh…” I began hesitantly.

“What?”

“Well…” I was at a complete loss for words to express what was on my mind.

“It’s OK. Just tell me what it is.”

“Um… do you think… I mean does this mean…” I fumbled, then just blurted it out, “does this mean we’re queers?”

Craig was silent. Apparently, it had not occurred to him to put a name on our actions, or our relationship.

“I dunno.”

“Well, before yesterday, what would you have said if you found out two guys you know were sucking and fucking each other?”

A long silence, then, “Yeah, I guess I would’ve called them a couple of queers, or faggots, or butt-fuckers, or something like that.”

“And now?”

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it, but I just don’t want to say that about us.”

I turned and looked him in the eye. “Why not?”

He thought a long time again. “I guess because it’s you and me. We’re friends – we have been since grade school. And we kind of learned about sex together, first jacking off to dirty magazines, then telling each other fantasy stories about having sex, and then…”

“And then sucking and fucking each other like a couple of wild animals?” I asked with a big grin.

Craig laughed. “Fuckin-A!”

“So does that make us queers?”

“I can’t answer that. I never really knew anybody who was actually gay.” He paused, “Sure, guys call each other ‘faggots’ all the time, but it never means shit. This is different. I don’t know how to explain it, but it is.”

“Is it because what we have now is sex – real sex?”

“Could be. All the other bullshit was just kidding and teasing, trying to get a rise out of the other guy… but this is what you said: real sex with a real person.”

“Who just happens to also be a guy…”

“Yeah, I guess so.” He was silent for a long time. “Why the fuck did you bring it up? Can’t we just be who we are and do what we do and not have to fucking call it anything?”

I gave Craig a tight hug and smiled broadly. “I think that’s exactly the right answer, buddy-boy. We are what we are, and nobody gets to call it anything, or call us anything. We’re just fuck-buddies, and if anybody has a problem with that, then fuck ‘em!”

We fell silent for a long time. Then I released Craig from my embrace and relaxed. “Gotta take a piss,” I told him, giving him a playful nudge.

“Me, too.” We jumped out of bed and raced each other into my bathroom. Standing facing each other on each side of the toilet, we let our streams mingle and splash down into the water.

We dressed and went down to breakfast. My parents were still in their room, and for some kinky, perverted reason I began to think about them having sex, right then as Craig and I ate our cereal. They knew what love was. They had been in love for twenty years or more. And they didn’t have to go their separate ways, meeting other people, having sex with them, maybe loving them, maybe never seeing them again. And nobody thought that anything they were doing was wrong, or perverted, or fucked-up.

It seemed to me that yesterday I had been a boy, a horny sex-crazed teenager. But today I was something new. I was a man – a gay man. I had sex with a man. I loved a man. But I was also still young, still horny as hell, still ready, willing and able to give my mouth and my ass to other men, and to take theirs if they offered them to me.

It was a new day, and I couldn’t wait to see what it would bring.

Craig had to go home after breakfast, which left me with a big hole in my life. I tried to jack off, thinking about all the sexy shit we did the night before, but it didn’t work. I even hiked up to The Hide and got our secret stash of magazines, but no matter how long or hard I beat off, I just couldn’t come.

Then I got an idea. I stretched out full-length on the bottom bunk – the one where I had fucked Craig for the first time yesterday, spread the magazine open to the centerfold – a gorgeous hunk with a massive erection, stuck two fingers up my ass, and started slowly massaging my prick while I moved my fingers around inside myself.

It was working. Every time I felt myself getting close to cumming, I stopped and rested. I never took my fingers out of my ass, and after a while, I forgot they were there.

The fourth time I masturbated myself close to cumming, I accidentally discovered something that put me right over the edge. My fingers were getting a little stiff and sore from being shoved up inside me for so long. So I moved them around a bit and suddenly felt that same jolt like a lightning strike inside my butt that I had felt with Alan’s cock up my ass. The feeling was more intense than anything I had ever experienced.

There seemed to be some kind of little spot up inside my rectum that was super-sensitive. When I pressed on it, my whole body quivered with sexual intensity. Needless to say, I pressed on it harder and harder and suddenly, without even touching my cock, I spewed cum so hard it hit me in the chin!

I felt my asshole contracting violently, and that spot inside me was pulsing like a fuckin alien monster. My body was filled with a powerful feeling of release, and my balls actually hurt from the force of my ejaculation.

I shot five more spurts of cum, each a little shorter in distance, and then two more pumps produced little dribbles that dripped down onto my pubes. I had never cum so hard or so passionately. I couldn’t wait to tell Craig about it.

The next day at school, I pulled Craig aside during our study period, and more or less dragged him outside to a cement picnic table under a big tree. Breathlessly, I told him how I had discovered some kind of magic button inside my ass, and how rubbing it had given me the biggest climax I had ever felt.

Craig just looked at me with a big grin.

“What the fuck?” I said indignantly. “I tell you about the biggest goddamn cum I’ve ever shot, and you just look at me like a fuckin clown?”

He shook his head. “No, Bruce, I’m not making fun of you, although I’m really surprised you never heard about your G-spot before.”

“My what? What the fuck are you talking about?”

“It’s called your G-spot. Like a girl has inside her pussy, only on a guy it’s up his ass.” He paused to let me take in his words. “Look, it’s just part of male anatomy. You remember the diagrams we had to look at in sex ed?”

I nodded. He went on, “well, that special place in your butt is actually one side of your prostate. Remember what the prostate does?”

I gave him a withering look, “Yes, I fuckin remember what the fuckin prostate does. It makes cum.”

“Righto! And if your dick is hard and you put your finger up there and press on it while you’re jacking, it makes your prostate contract ten times harder than normally. That’s what you felt – your G-spot!”

“Well, then I’m in love with my fuckin G-spot!” I almost shouted, a big smile on my face.

“And here’s the best part, Bruce, old man. It feels good when you do it with your finger, but it feels like dynamite when it’s a dick up your ass banging on it!”

I started. “Hey, I know what you’re talking about. When that asshole Alan fucked me, he hit that same spot with his dick and I immediately came.”

“There you go. Fuckin mystery solved.” Craig grinned at me.

I thought a moment. “So what do you say you come over to my house after school today and see if you can find my G-spot with your dick?”

Not only did he come over that day, but for the next three weeks we got together almost every fucking day and aimed our cocks at each other’s G-spots. We didn’t always hit it – I guess it’s not that big, but we found it enough times to make each other feel like super studs.

After graduation, we both had summer jobs, but we managed to party in The Hide at least once a week, and we slept over at my house ten or fifteen times. It was really hard not to scream with ecstasy when Craig’s dick hit my pleasure button, but with my parents just the other side of the house and my sister Natalie home from college and just across the hall, we had to be content with stifled gasps and groans.

And of course, I returned the favor as often as he gave it to me. But I have to admit, as great as the sex was, the thing I loved the most, and that I long for every day, was just kissing him and cuddling with him, both of us naked in my bed at home. There was something about the location and the person who was there with me that filled me with romantic notions of “forever” and drove me to tears if I dwelled on it too long.

Looking back on that spring and summer, I gotta say it was the perfect preparation for college, where both of us were determined to have sex as often and with as many guys as we possibly could. We even promised to keep score and send each other coded updates on post cards.

The hardest thing was the fact that I was in California and Craig was in Connecticut, 3000 miles away. I ached for him. I imagined the feeling of his dick in side me, and mine inside him. I masturbated to his yearbook picture and had wet dreams about sucking his cock.

But, as expected, college proved to be a new experience, full of new experiences with new guys and new playmates. I quickly fell into a rhythm of finding sex in the most unexpected places and enjoying the hell out of it!